Politicianspeak

The provocation for this piece was the almost identical and entirely predictable responses of two of the highest constitutional functionaries – Honurable Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh and Honourable Chief Minister Naveen Patnaik – to two different judicial pronouncements made during the day. While the Supreme Court questioned the PM’s 15-month long silence on Dr. Subramaniam Swamy’s plea asking for permission to prosecute ‘Spectrum’ Raja, the Orissa High Court quashed the land acquisition for the proposed Vedanta University, delivering a body blow to CM Naveen Patnaik, who moved heaven and earth to get the project going. But the reactions were not different at all. Both of them said “Let us first study what the Court has actually said”, though in the PM’s case, it was the Congress spokesperson rather than the PM himself who reacted.

Here is a compilation of what the politician, when confronted with particular situations, says and what s/he actually means.

Situation: When rapped on the knuckles by the court
What the politician says: "Let us first study the judgment"
What s/he actually means: "I am too embarrassed to react."

Situation:When confronted with a serious charge
What the politician says: "The law will take its course."
What s/he actually means: "I will make sure that the law will never take its course."

Situation: When facing a serious charge in court
What the politican says: "I have full faith in the judiciary."
What s/he actually means: "I have full faith in my team of lawyers."

Situation: When exonerated by a court
What the politician says: "I have been vindicated."
What s/he actually means: "My battery of lawyers was better than yours."

Situation:While campaigning during an election
What the politician says: "I will work for the poor and the down-trodden."
Whats/he actually means: "I will work to make sure that the poor and the down trodden remain poor and down trodden."

Situation: When caught with his/her pants/panties down in a sting operation
What the politician says: "The tape is doctored."
What s/he actually means: "Who is the bast... who did this to me?"

Situation: When confronted with a scandal
What the politician says: "My conscience is clear."
What s/he actually means: "Yeh ‘conscience’ kis chidiya ka naam hai?"

Situation: When laying the foundation stone for an industry
What the politician says: "The plant will bring prosperity for the local people."
What s/he actually means: "This plant will bring prosperity for the industry, me and my party and misery for the local people."

Situation: When demanding a salary hike
What the politician says: "Do you know how much an MLA/MP has to spend to ‘attend to’ his constituency?"
What s/he actually means: "If you knew how much I have to spend to attend to my constituency, the income tax people would be after me."

Situation: When caught on camera hobnobbing with shady characters
What the politician says: "As a politician, I keep meeting so many people every day. Is it possible to verify the antecedents of everybody?"
What s/he actually means: "The next time, I will be more careful."

Situation: When faced with a no confidence motion
What the politician says: "I have the support of the majority in the House."
What s/he actually means: "I have all the money and I am sure I can buy the required number of votes to prove my majority in the House."

PS: This is only a sampling. You are free to add to it.